When you've gone over something AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN like I have, certain questions get answered, OTHERS SPRING UP! You mind plays tricks on you, YOU PLAY TRICKS BACK! It's like you're unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps on knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting..."

Thursday, March 10, 2005

no time

did very little work on flames yesterday which means I can finish up tomorrow at boyznite. Did like maybe four more rows like one more increase, three more rows w/ red and 18 more of intarsia. would ahve done more last night but i was tired. work was slow which makes it go real slow. went to a play last night. orson's shadow at the barrow street playhouse. it came from chicago. i really liked it. we knew someone in it and she wonderful. hard though to be around people that really do this. I direct constantly and run a theater company, but i haven't managed to make that my bill paying career, so sometimes it's hard to be around people who are doing what I want to do. I see what loneliness does to people. I feel like I missed out on 10 years and spin into a where the hell am i going with my lfie? what the hell am I doing? i always want to jump forward and worry, so i am trying very hard to stay in this moment, this day.
am giong to rip out the great hat.


Blogger Sean said...

Aw honey. I used to do that after I graduated from Culinary School and tried for 2 years to make it in that business...hating every minute of it. It was easy for me to go in another directions since I didn't like it.

Try to take comfort in the fact that I believe we're each led, for one reason or another, in the direction we're supposed to be going...find you purpose. Be happy.

9:40 AM

Blogger markknitz said...

thanks, man. i believe that also. some days are easier than others.

10:56 AM

Blogger Franklin said...

What you wrote resonates - I spent the end of my twenties and the beginning of my 30s in isolation, and I'm trying to catch up now with people who used those years to move ahead. I know how hard it feels.

I'm not going to take up room in your comments with this, but you've inspired me to pose a favorite quote in my own blog, because I'm having similar feelings today and it'll cheer me up. Check it out if you like.

If it helps at all - I'm surrounded here by aspiring theater pros who would kill to be doing as much as you are.

12:49 PM


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