When you've gone over something AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN like I have, certain questions get answered, OTHERS SPRING UP! You mind plays tricks on you, YOU PLAY TRICKS BACK! It's like you're unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps on knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting..."

Friday, February 24, 2006

rough patcha road

so i'm kinda in an icky part of life right now. just finished directing this big show at Theater for the New City. I did a good job on it, if I do say so myself. It was a lot of work and not an easy project. So now that it's closed I'm feeling, well, bad. Since this one was such a toughie, I wasn't expecting this let down, but I what I'm walking around with is the feeling that I just moved a mountain and nothing in my life changed. i don't know what i was expecting but this deafening nothingness and feeling of futility is definitely not it. one of my friends couldn't understand it when i told him i didn't want to talk about it the fifth or sixth time he told me he'd really wanted to see my show. now he's mad at me. he has a need to make everything about him so i shouldn't be surprised. but i guess somehow i thought life would be different and it just isn't. i'm trying my best to get this next show organized. it's supposed to be a simple remount of a show i did last year but already it's turned into a major pain in my ass. i have to find a new musical director and the venue only confirmed half my dates so that's what i planned around and now i find we're supposed to cover all of them. plus this is for my friend who's mad at me because he didn't come see my show and i won't tell him it's okay's company so i have even less motivation to put it together. same shit. different day. different show. different year. i guess i feel like a different person, so i kind of want things to be different for me. i guess i can respond and act differently. in the words of Spanky McFarland, "I'll eat it, but I won't like it."
will finish my second leg warmer tonight while watching movies. am making the stitch n bitch nation leg warmers for my groovy friend maitee in purple and chartruese. photos to come. i promise!


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